tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64477829051727810872024-03-13T08:26:56.056+08:00the spider ran away OH REALLY?!newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.comBlogger535125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-28874006741481873682013-09-12T02:01:00.004+08:002013-09-12T02:03:49.953+08:00<div>
Once again I find myself eagerly awaiting the weekends and getting a momentarary reprieve knowing that the week is almost over. It's when I finally feel at home despite being physically so for the most part. </div>
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This post had started originally started out with an existentialism question that went along the lines of "what are we really living for?" but I'm not about to delve into the deeper meaning of life when I am crushing under the weight of my many commitments and assignments. One day something's gonna give way, either the quality of the work I churn out or my sanity and it's terrifying how I'm hoping it would be the latter.<br />
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A knot forms in my gut whenever I think about how everything I've worked for would potentially come to naught and constantly muse over the idea of dropping every load I have. Then I am reminded (as cliche as this all sounds) that I only get one chance at life and if not now then when? #YOLO #AMIRITE</div>
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That was almost gratifying, <i>almost</i>. The closest I've gotten to feeling empowered this month was listening to Anything by Hedley.<br />
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newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-47950973132734046782013-06-17T04:18:00.001+08:002013-06-17T04:18:56.440+08:00I need to remind myself that the best solution is to stop worrying and chill out and things would be back to the way they were ;)newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-70644177917644657932012-10-10T03:22:00.002+08:002012-10-10T03:22:53.387+08:00<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/LRBVRHtvp4o?rel=0" width="640"></iframe>
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It's been ages since I last stared at the screen with my mouth agape (and possibly drooling). Such madness needs an outlet and before I find one, blogger shall be my confidante. I'm literally smiling and blushing at the screen from how hot changmin is ^^ HAHAHAHA ok sorry moving on!<br />
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I'm actually stalling right now when I should be bathing and getting my ass back to work. Procrastination shall not be tolerated! (although I've been guilty of that for the past weeks) I'll be back on track after tomorrow passes and I'm kinda relieved and glad that it'll be over soon. Or possibly the start of heavier workload. But I welcome it nonetheless since I have a trusty little helper.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-52862508821127366412012-09-07T05:13:00.002+08:002012-09-07T05:13:58.895+08:00Weekends seem to be my only source of comfort for now. I like knowing that I can seek solace in being with the people I love most at the end of the week, regardless of how worn out the rest of it has made me. Honestly I would probably not be able to survive without a best friend I can turn to at all times.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-73927405654469890162012-06-19T01:38:00.005+08:002012-06-19T01:38:56.853+08:00I miss you a lot and sometimes I wish you'd know that. As much as I've come to accept that it is impossible to mend the friendship that we once had, something's telling me I haven't tried hard enough. Out of the many friends who I've lost, you were one of the few who I cried for days on end over. I'd truly cared for you and had thoroughly enjoyed our times together, however fleeting they were. You made me feel truly happy after a long while of not feeling anything at all.<br />
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I miss you. So now instead of regretting not ever trying, I'm googling how to get a friend back in hopes that we might still be friends.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-34231457317449956752012-06-05T17:17:00.000+08:002012-06-05T17:48:16.172+08:00It's funny how just being around a person could make me so happy. Never thought someone would reciprocate my obsession with them and just the notion of it causes the little butterflies in my stomach to start their fluttering frenzy. Could it just be the fact that I'm too easily taken by these childish infatuations? Yet I'm almost certain this feeling goes way beyond that.<br />
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Maybe I'm just hungry.<br />
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I could almost pinpoint an exact moment when I felt totally taken by you and what brewed the certainty I had for the future.<br />
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Just to deviate from dwelling in my state of lovestruckness, I wanna point out how much I dislike people telling me that we're still young and hence need to try out as much as we can and to not worry about our future. It's the fact that we're young that allows us to make important decisions and have our life be so moldable, and so why on earth would I choose to forgo my future happiness for a brief, fleeting moment of euphoria? When I mention the future, I don't mean the career path I'd choose to take or how my family unit would take shape, but the emotional state I'd be in. Some deem me naive for the concerns I have over what holds for me ten years from now but as much as I believe in not regretting any choices I've made in the past (regardless of the consequences), I don't want to face the struggle of having to forgive myself time and again for how battered up I've caused myself to be. Undeniably, we have little control of whatever the upcoming years bring and it is precisely so that we need to be in reign of our mind and soul as that would decide the kind of life we would choose to lead.<br />
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Not sure if that even makes any sense at all but I'm glad I'd voiced out.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-91717055407364087582012-05-10T02:04:00.002+08:002012-05-10T02:04:44.566+08:00Call me lag but I didn't know blogger had a new layout. It's kinda hard to get used to, just as all changes are.<br />
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I wonder what it is that makes us human beings so resistant to change. I might risk sounding like an ignorant dumb blonde but I'm pretty sure that homosapiens are one of the few species that have not developed any structural adaptive characteristics since hundreds of years ago. Instead of sucking it up and adapting to changes that throw us off from our banausic routines, we bemoan the void that has now formed in our life, trying desperately to seek out that comfortable familiarity.<br />
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Oh but that's right. How hypocritical of me to not mention how much I'd looked forward to the end of my 20 day wait.<br />
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I am but human afterall, and definitely not a great shooter (if you got my reference to a corny pick-up line). I'd spent my days engaging in less than fruitful activities and in admitting so is my cue for your judgement. It's not like I couldn't help it but when the opportunity arose for me to introduce change in my routine I'd declined the offer just for the excuse the continue wallowing in self-pity.<br />
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Sleep has now manifested into my defense mechanism against meaningless pinning and overly active tear glands. That could be my behavioural adaptation I guess.<br />
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Regarding the topic of adaptation, I distinctly remember reading somewhere that the female genitalia have shifted to aid in more convenient and comfortable coital positions (namely missionary). Kinda proves human beings are sex-crazed creatures. Or maybe that's just me since my memory usually fails me and this was one fact that stuck. I could be very wrong though.<br />
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I apologise for sounding distant and cynical and though I am in no position to judge it is in human nature to do so. It's almost as though the level of sadness emitted from people around me have increased a tiny bit and my heightened sensitivity to such vibes have amplified these emotions.<br />
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Back to the my usual self-absorbed posts.<br />
<br />Watched The Cabin in The Woods for the 3rd time today. Ridiculous I know, but I am that obsessed with the movie. Could be the whole satirical take it has on one of my favourite movie genres - horror that makes me like it so much, or just the fact that the plot was so different from a normal movie's and had kept me guessing from the beginning. Then again it could just be my lack of exposure to movies in general.<br />
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Probably shouldn't have felt offended when the people I'd watched it with this time didn't share the same sentiments but I did, strangely enough. How unlike me to not respect others' opinions, especially on such a trivial matter. I don't remember feeling this annoyed even when some guy insisted that sex was the only way to ascertain someone's love and that couples who start of as friends would never have a fulfilling (or in his words, 'real') relationship and congratulated himself on how much of a love guru he was.<br />
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I digress. I don't feel superior to them intellectually just because I understood the concept of the movie and didn't exclaim how stupid it was as the credits rolled. Maybe. But I felt disappointment and I daresay a little crushed. Imagine a little kid excited to share her favourite toy which she'd gotten as a gift with her playmates, brimming with joy and anticipation that they too would love and be entertained by it and the feeling that overwhelms her when they deem it unworthy of their attention. That's how I felt.<br />
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Damn. I digress again.<br />
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What is it I had wanted to type? I was in a daze a minute ago, with my chin propped up on my left hand. What occupied my mind in that instant evades me now but it must have been an interesting thought.<br />
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Andy and I often joke about how nothing much really goes through my head. Well at least he does. Maybe. He could be serious just as I am though. I mean it when I say that it requires much effort for me to think about anything. Sometimes I sit and squint in a bid to oil the rusty brain gears. That doesn't usually work. Hehehe. That was a smile by the way. A translated smile. Oh but that's this -> :) Goddamnit I'm becoming stupid. Doesn't bother me though.<br />
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Speaking of thinking, I'd done a little these few days which possibly amounts to those moments people have when they are deep in thought, except mine had been drawn out over a week. I decided that I was going on embark on something but usually since I don't carry through my plans well I doubt this would work out. We'll see :)newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-9778239326730124452012-02-12T05:14:00.000+08:002012-02-12T05:15:43.373+08:00I think I could very possibly be in love with you.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-48256758820370776102012-02-10T04:32:00.000+08:002012-02-10T04:33:17.578+08:00I'm a jealous and possessive maniac.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-73171510904527192402012-01-14T11:57:00.002+08:002012-01-14T12:09:25.730+08:00Finally sat down in front of the computer after a hour of walking around the house with a tissue box in my arms. First thought of the day wasn't a pleasant one but receiving a nice text in the morning can make my day :D<br /><br />I'm sleepy :( need some more sleep.<br /><br />After much thought I think I know what I'm going to do.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-22496885014686548552012-01-09T03:40:00.002+08:002012-01-09T03:42:58.976+08:00Why is it such a tough decision? Aren't I supposed to be happy? Then why is it that I still cry every night? :(newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-14253154402895487172012-01-04T04:07:00.003+08:002012-01-04T04:35:40.392+08:00FUCK LAAAA FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCCCCKKKK<br /><br />I need another salted eggnewilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-29451507359427249232012-01-04T03:46:00.002+08:002012-01-04T03:55:24.107+08:00I think I probably stared at this page for 5 minutes thinking of what to type. I've got no idea what I'm feeling right now.<br /><br />Is it weird that most of the sentences in my posts start with 'I'? It just dawned upon me how self-centered that makes me sound. But that being said, this is MY blog so fuck that :o :) :D<br /><br />I'm afraid of what lies ahead of me. What if my results are so screwed up that they don't get me anywhere. Trying not to think about it now. Maybe that's why I don't blog often. I hate digging deep inside me to find out what I'm feeling/thinking because that way I'll have to face my fears when I have the choice not to.<br /><br />Whatever. I'm eating a salted egg right now. :)newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-57928212088499374532011-12-29T22:03:00.002+08:002011-12-29T22:26:01.191+08:00Maybe it's not such a bad idea to blog more often afterall. It's been a long while since I last posted and it almost feels like I've lost the ability to express myself coherently. Or it could be that I'm blasting music in the background thus disrupting my train of thoughts.<br /><br />I've been busying myself with work these days to stop myself from sinking into the abyss of depressive thoughts lest I have another relapse. It's not a bad solution anyway - I've become more aware of the most insignificant happenings amidst my banausic work. Being a promoter could actually be what I was meant to do, I should probably make this my fall back plan should Plan A fails. Then again, I've no clue what Plan A is.<br /><br />Although I'm not one to be a trend follower I found myself searching for the latest trends on the runway, reading articles on fashion forecasts for Summer 12. My wardrobe is in dire need of a makeover and yet I never seem to be able to bring myself to spend on clothes. I decided if I knew what the latest trends are I might have a better idea of what to look for when I'm out (window) shopping. :)<br /><br />Life's been boring honestly, but not that I'm asking for more drama. It's good to be feeling so calm for a change, to know what awaits me the next day. Feels like I'm in control of my life. This peace probably isn't going to last for long, but whatever yknow :) I'm (relatively) happy so that's all that matters. Just need to soak in this feeling before the rollercoaster ride begins again.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-12229713376199419802011-05-18T06:15:00.002+08:002011-05-18T06:25:04.786+08:00havent blogged in such a long time but it's not like anyone reads my posts anyway. not that it's a bad thing.<br /><br />I know I shouldn't be letting my insecurity get to me, but after all that's happened in the past 17 years of my life I honestly don't know how that's possible. You asked what is it I want from you. I guess I was just hoping you'd give me the reassurance I need.<br /><br />But then again, aren't all relationships based on trust? Why am I so selfish :( I feel so blessed that you're so understanding all the time but maybe we do need a breather.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-52336328872443712242011-03-26T19:37:00.002+08:002011-03-26T20:09:31.998+08:00Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. No lessons, an awesome adventure and a wonderful date.<br /><br />:) Life's good like that. Or so I'd like to think. I guess I'm contented with being mediocre for now, as pathetic as that sounds. Someday, I'd rip through the seams of restrains my irrational fears have bounded me with, and show the world how amazing I can be.<br /><br />Then again, I wonder if this is naivety resulting from me seeking solace in episodes of Glee.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-47700067997347153072011-03-16T21:21:00.003+08:002011-03-16T21:46:51.685+08:00Honestly after all that has happened, I definitely do need a form of release, some sort of outlet to all the emotions I have bottled up inside me.<br /><br />Somehow, surprisingly, I am not as affected as I thought I would be. Not that I don't tear through some nights hoping things hadn't turned out the way they did, then again I'm not one to have the best control of my emotions. I guess after all these years of losing people who mean so much to me, and hating them for leaving me when I'm in my most susceptible state, I've realised that building up negative emotions against them isn't going to help any situation. I've learnt to cherish the wonderful moments that were, and instead of mourning the loss of moments that are yet to be, to love the people who had given me great memories to live by.<br /><br />It's always been my belief that everything happens for a reason, and sometimes this reason is to warn me of my crippling inability to sustain a friendship like a normal person.<br /><br />But life still goes on doesn't it? As much as I would like to turn back the clock (just as I'd always wished), it is impossible for me to keep wallowing in self-pity. Every such incident has only served to make me stronger, wiser and hopefully more mature. For now I'd just like to pray that history doesn't repeat itself, and express my gratitude to people who stick by me when I need them most. Thanks for not giving up on me. :)newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-41967696085229298652010-10-02T14:37:00.002+08:002010-10-02T14:43:26.291+08:00best days ever with awesome friends.<br /><br />slacking at homeeeeeeeee watching TV being on neopets WOOTS. damn this is da life.<br /><br />still quite disappointed in myself for not being as studious and hardworking as i wouldve liked to. i would be VERY VERY surprised if i pass any of my subjects at all hoho. :( :) oh well it's over anw.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-92111657063568322872010-09-01T03:11:00.001+08:002010-09-01T03:13:15.053+08:00i rmb 2 years back when you never ceased with the constant annoying teasing. it was YOU who made us fall out. FUCK YOU.<br /><br />are you trying to ruin my life?newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-88002169256993979022010-08-24T23:56:00.002+08:002010-08-24T23:59:48.148+08:00doing pw now. haha<br /><br />not sure how my group feels about our group dynamics but i really like my members alot alot alot. (maybe they dont feel that way because of me and my non-existent contributions) hope all of us survive this and ace pw together :D jiayou guysnewilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-401459161329197132010-08-24T02:17:00.000+08:002010-08-24T02:18:17.825+08:00im IM IM IM FALLING APART. ok this sucks. i need to be strong. gahhh BUT HOW CAN I BE :(newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-17228587393644344452010-08-17T01:39:00.002+08:002010-08-17T01:42:55.116+08:00econs essay. gp compre. maths integration tut.<br /><br />:( i'm screwed.<br /><br />Smile though your heart is aching<br />Smile even though it's breaking<br />When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by<br />If you smile through your fear and sorrow<br />Smile and maybe tomorrow<br />You'll see the sun come shining through for you<br /><br />Light up your face with gladness<br />Hide every trace of sadness<br />Although a tear may be ever so near<br />That's the time you must keep on trying<br />Smile, what's the use of crying? <br />You'll find that life is still worthwhile<br />If you just smile<br /><instrumental interlude=""><br />That's the time you must keep on trying<br />Smile, what's the use of crying? <br />You'll find that life is still worthwhile<br />If you just smile</instrumental><br /><br />:) cheer up.newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-58480129305977996582010-08-15T01:04:00.003+08:002010-08-15T01:31:24.428+08:00I'm sad. Mainly bored. But sad too. :(<br /><br />RABBIT DIED! D:<br />sigh for god knows what reason. Probably due to my lousy ownership skills or something.<br /><br />Hillary said he'd most probably be in rabbit heaven now or something where there're tons of carrots. Natural carrots specifically, and not store bought because those are processed and rabbits will die eating them.<br /><br />When I get a new rabbit, I swear I'll take care of it super well and give it a super awesome life. I'd name my new rabbit Carrots because Rabbit's gone and he'll never be replaced. :(<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">sigh</span><br /><br />---<br /><br />imma make a new blogskin soon btw. nothing against default blogskins, but.<br />ok yes actually i do. they're boring. max.<br /><br />---<br /><br />today i woke up. and found out my rabbit died.<br /><br />so i went back to sleep. then i woke up and went for organ lessons.<br /><br />slept after i came home and woke up for dinner.<br /><br />now's after dinner. and i'm bored.<br /><br />someone talk to me, please?<br /><br />i could go on typing like this for hours.<br /><br />plus not like anyone's going to read it anyway. except me.<br /><br />i always read my blog posts when i'm bored.<br /><br />because. tbh. i think conversations with me are interesting. :)<br /><br />but obviously i cant have a conversation with myself. technically i can. but that only happens at night right before i sleep. or when i'm super desperate for someone to talk to.<br /><br />what should i do naoo :( WHAT SHOULD I DO.<br /><br />jamlegend. :)newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-34393138674973338522010-07-06T17:04:00.001+08:002010-07-06T17:05:32.812+08:00hhahaha yes i've got a new blog. wow sense of satisfaction really.<br /><br />come on give me three cheers yipee.<br /><br />OK AHAHAHA :Dnewilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6447782905172781087.post-69767595608611250732010-06-21T03:19:00.002+08:002010-06-21T03:46:30.563+08:00It would be cool if there were someone I can talk to at 3.20 in the morning.<br /><br />I love talking. Rambling if you would like. About nothing in particular at all.<br /><br />Feel like that's something bigger out there waiting for me to accomplish you know. Someday I would be someone great. I just know it. I always have. Sometimes I do doubt if that's just one of the things I do to make myself feel better so I would have the will to survive. But then something/someone would come along and reassure me that I've been right all along.<br /><br />Not sure what's wrong with me but I've been having this weird irregular heart palpitations. Maybe it's the approaching cts and all the rubbish that has been happening to me (as usual) that is causing me to feel so uncertain and uneasy.<br /><br />whatever. goodnight. :)newilauhchttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11353202033418489104noreply@blogger.com0